fly away from here

breathing in the fresh air

I've reached a new low in my life.

A few of you would probably know how messed up I was in the past.. and probably less than 5 of you actually have a rough idea of the extent of how messed up I was. There are things that I did in the past that I'm not proud of and would rather they stay in the past. No the past isn't repeating itself.. But I am beginning to become self -destructive.. Well as of a couple of hours ago at least..

I've been back in London for about a week now and despite my automatic "I'm doing good" response to general questions of how I'm doing.. I'm not doing good. Going back to Singapore for my Christmas break and then returning to London hasn't been a good transition for me.

And I don't like to think about it. But it's practically choking me.

It's hard. It's really hard for me to adjust back to things. And the way I'm handling it is just plain pathetic and pitiful.. I'm not happy.. But it's really no one's fault other than my own. I hope you understand that..

"Moving" over here to London, having to start all over again from scratch, and on my own.. I really don't think I'm strong enough for this.. I know that it is the best for me.. The whole overseas education, and in exciting London of all places.. Art school.. Globally one of the best art schools.. Theoretically it seems pretty damn ideal. Theoretically.

But I'm not happy.. Not as happy I should be.

I miss AC. Not just the way that most people who miss AC do.. But in a way that makes being here even harder. AC was comfortable and safe. Leaving AC, Singapore, everyone back home and coming over here to start all over again.. from scratch.

I'm sure I'll be fine.

*But like I said, I don't like to think about it

[*loosely quoted from 'Brooke' in 'One Tree Hill'.]

http://tv.peekvid.com/s2488/e35823/

posted by -xin` @ 23:42