fly away from here

but honestly speaking..

[i just read through this whole post and i know bits of it sound annoyingly whiney and emo.. and other bits are just a little but incoherent.. i do apologise and er you have been warned!]

it hasn't been that great/exciting/fun/fantasitc/insertpreferredendorphineinducingadjectivehere over here in london..

i know that some of my last few posts kinda make it seem like i'm having a blast over here.. fun clubbing outings.. various mass cooking sessions.. musicals.. etc.. i mean ideally (i'm purposely using the word ideally here) that's what people want me to say right? (and by the way.. " are you excited " , because of varying reasons, was the most cliche and somewhat annoying question that people asked me before i left) ideally i should say that i'm having the best time of my life over here and i'm loving every minute of it blah blah.. and for some parts of it, it really is quite fun and somewhat exciting.. but quite often it just sucks being over here.

and initially i was just going to end it there, but i think i need to write this out.. more for myself than anyone else.. just a little cathartic release..

being more or less on my own in a foreign country.. i just feel very lost in it.. and not just in terms of navigation.. quite often i tend to feel kinda lonely..? most of you would probably realise that i tend to be more on the quiet side when we go out in big groups.. (and some of you would kinda know about the sec2 thingie that 'caused me to change a little and be more reserved and less sociable.. but that's another story for another time..) think it's somewhat magnified here.. well maybe not but i do feel that it is internally.. like everyone just seems to click a lot better with everyone else than i do with them.. so i feel a little left out once in a while? and yes i do realise that i've only been here for a really short time and such things are expected.. but i mean having said that, my other friends from school or my hostel have been here more or less the same period of time and already they're clicking nicely.. and no i'm not totally friend'less.. i've met quite a lot of people actually, and quite literally from all over the world.. good friends with a bunch of them.. but just not.. like close and completely comfortable and not self-concious? ah but that's just me and not really any fault of theirs'.. and i know i know.. it's different for each person and it'll get better..

and i mean i really do believe that it'll get better.. what with school starting and the work coming in (which by the way looks really intense but in a fun way).. and it is getting better.. i mean a few weeks ago when i just arrived in london.. it really sucked.. so it is getting better..

i just really miss having the familiarity and convenience of everything.. like knowing where everything is.. where all the good shops are.. where all the good food are (which is really important!).. having all my friends who are just a call or sms away (and having that said.. i really regret not putting in more effort into some of my relationships with friends).. not having to make sure i have time to do my laundry+washing+ironing+vacuuming+cleaning+ashitloadofotherhouseholdstuff.. having to make my own meals (i love cooking but it gets pretty tiring after a while, especially if i'm just cooking a bit for myself and having to do all the washing up of dishes).. having all the different spices/sauces/ingredients to cook more or less whatever i want in my kitchen.. the simplicity of everything in singapore (and i mean if a tourist went to singapore and went to london, he/she would find things easier in singapore like getting around and all).. the familiarity+ease+affordability+convenience+safeness of singapore's public transport.. the list just goes on..

and before you think i'm moping 24/7.. i really am not.. for most part i'm doing pretty alright.. it's just occasionally that i have bouts of such "depression" (that's too strong a word to use but you get what i mean)..

but i really do believe that things will get better.. and that i should make more of an effort to just embrace the whole experience and try to enjoy myself more..

and having said all of that.. i will blog about the fun stuff soon.. i'm just feeling a little too mopey to enjoy them fully.. but i will blog about them soon to let you guys know that i'm not suffering or whatever and at the very least, to just balance off this post..

posted by -xin` @ 00:25